Psychoanalysis of a Disgruntled Lemur

Recent Developments

2010-12-06T00:07:00.002+08:00

As usual, my well intentioned plans for blogging didn't pan out. Dunno why, though, as I always plan on following through. Anyway, some exciting things have happened since my last blog post, whenever that was.

I now work at a new place, but the less said about work the better, so I'll get it out of the way early.

I finished TAFE ages ago; I now have a piece of paper on which is written "Certificate III in Community Services Work", or something like that. After receiving that bit of paper I decided to get a job that was halfway between what I had done previously, and what I wanted to do in the future. Unfortunately, that got me my next job - supervisor in a godforsaken hell hole that was meant to be a place for disabled people to work and gain some independence and meaning in their lives, but which merely subjected them to the hell that the rest of us suffer through in our work - except for them, it was their only option. Needless to say, I left.

I moved through a series of temping jobs before ending up where I am now. More boring stores with the sometimes interesting addition of some assembly. But I no longer see my semi-skilled/unskilled work as representative of the direction my career will travel. I have, in fact, decided to further my studies in the human services sort of area by going to uni. I have chosen to study Bachelor of Arts (Psychology and Counselling) part time on the intarwebs. Sure it'll take many years, but I seem to have stumbled on a reasonably stable job, so I should be able to see it through.

In order to facilitate my new web based learning scheme, I have had to get a new computer. I may have gone a little overboard - I don't think a 27" iMac with 2.93GHz quad core is really necessary for research and word processing, but it's great for morale. Plus, if you have good tools you'll be more inspired to enjoy them rather than slaving away with substandard equipment. Also I've always wanted one.

While I'm talking about uni and computers, I might as well reveal the reason for my sudden return to my blogger account. I figured I would need to get back into writing again, given that I'd have lots of assignments to complete. My blog is definitely not a bastion of professional writing techniques and unbiased, factual, commentary on highbrow social issues*. But I hope to slowly develop a writing style that will be acceptable to my lecturers that still retails some of my current... style... if you can call it that.

And so we come to cost reducing in light of my new student lifestyle. I'm trying to sell my car so I can buy a more economical model. Sure, a 5.7l isn't economical by normal standards, but I've had a 2 tonne underpowered brick for the last 4 years, the torque of a 350 Chev will surely be more fuel friendly than trying to hammer a turbo diesel. Surely.

Oh gods. Look at the time. I'd better get some shuteye so I can function at work tomorrow. Part 2 to follow soon...

*Like the Oxford comma

Blogger on my iPhone!

2010-02-12T14:42:00.000+08:00

As above. Now I can bitch about work somewhere other than facebook! Yayyyblurp!

How things change!

2009-03-04T22:21:00.002+09:00

Holy fuck-shit, things are different. I spell it TAFE now, not Tafe.

First of all, I am no longer obsessed with money. I sometimes relapse, but it never lasts long, and its mostly to do with wanting things, not money. Like another motorbike. The philosophy of the Underpants Gnomes is all but gone from me, replaced with one of subsistence; Quality of LIFE overrides Quality of STUFF.

My last post was written in the warehouse of Bri-Tech, where I worked for like 15 months. Shit. What a fucking hole. Seriously. Well, it wasn't so bad to begin with but things deteriorated pretty rapidly. It was during the time of Bri-Tech that I hit rock bottom in one of my addictions, but we'll get to that in a paragraph or two. (I just had an image of myself like Doogie Howser. The very first Blogger. Anyway...) After a while I just got so sick of it I had to get out of there. So I formulated a new plan to replace the Underpants Gnome Photography Site plan. I was to go off to TAFE, fuck the money (or lack thereof), fuck jobs, fuck the ravages of responsibility and the cynicism it causes. This was to be the start of a brand new life, a life rebuilt in the image of my teenage years. Carefree days, jobs that were part of my life, not the centre of it. Happiness that flowed from my pores like so many teenage pimples (probably the only part I'm not trying to get back). The plan took shape: Work part-time, study part time. The course? Cert III of Community Services Work.

I left Bri-Tech, and got a job at Weatherford. For those of you who don't know (which is all of you), Weatherford is the 3rd largest oil services provider in the world, after the dreaded Halliburton. They are a $9bn a year company, and treat their people as such. Oh sure, they say OH&S is important to them. It is. But not because they give a shit about the workers. Deaths and injuries cause bad press, investigations, paperwork and, most importantly, a loss of money. My few months there made me think Bri-Tech wasn't so bad. It's not that the job was bad, or that the people were shit, it was just the most oppressive, soul-destroying atmosphere I've ever worked in. But, some positives came out of it. My plan was modified: I was now going to attend TAFE full time, not part time. Fuck working completely. Only after weeks of stress from Centrelink and TAFE Admissions did the good news came through.

I had gotten into TAFE - my life was about to change completely. The news was intoxicating. A light at the end of the tunnel. I met up with an old friend, started reading again, my mind began opening up, soaking in the world around me. Things were looking up for the first time in a long, long time. I am so much happier now that it actually feels strange. You know, the whole happy chest pang thing. I get up in the morning not because I have to, because I want to. I began to try to fix my relationship - not an easy task. I was a proper cunt for a long time.

Yes, things are looking up in the land of Kim. Sian is having a hard time... she hates her job - I know how she feels. Money is tight and the pressure is on her, at least until I get a casual job. But now I am in a position to support her emotionally, so hopefully it will all be good.

Oh fuck my arse, I forgot about the rock-bottom comment.

Basically, I seem to have an addiction to awesome things. First the Disco, then the camera, then the Bike. All expensive things. Rock bottom came when I decided to go looking for a Monaro. I walked into a dealership - just to test drive a Monaro - and walked out the bewildered new owner of a WRX. Salesmen are even bigger cunts than me. Anyway, the shit hit the fan. They fucked me over big time, I obviously couldn't afford it, Consumer Protection got involved, and I had to sell the Bike to pay 15% of the purchase price. Better than another 20g's of debt, but only slightly. Rock bottom. The only cure for addiction is abstinence... hence the change of lifestyle...

...And I LOVE it.

2009-03-04T21:48:00.002+09:00

The Little Things...
The Chronicles of Life and Death...
Kick me when I'm High...
The Anthem...
Boys and Girls...
Bloody Valentine...
Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous...
Numb All Over...
Rough Diamonds...
Oh Yeah...
From the Sea...
Take me Out...
Champion...
Chemical Heart...
Hate...
Better Off Alone...
Choke...
The Nosebleed Section :)...
Look What You've Done...
BYOB...
Somewhere Down the Barrel...
Mutt...
All the Small Things...
The Rock Show...

What's my Age Again?

Fucking old, that's what...

I STILL LIVE Part 2: Return of the Blog

2008-04-23T11:21:00.008+08:00

For those of you who don't know (which is nobody, because I bulletined on MySpace), I recently rediscovered my Blogger account through methods I am not at liberty to divulge in this oh so public arena. And I did think to myself, "Kim, you should start using that blogger account again. The blogs look pretty, and your vocabulary has dwindled due to lack of use." And I did reply to myself, "Yay, believe in Blog and ye shall find peace. I shall use thy blogging tool and thus save the world from a terrible future devoid of my thoughts, high-brow social commentary and riveting stories about fridges that shoot laser beams from their eyes."

That's twice I've used a conjunction at the start of a sentence.

And so I bring to you the first of many new blogs (that's three times... and they were all the same word! See what I mean about my vocabulary? I'm losing my perspicacity!!)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My Grand Plan

In case no one has noticed, its pretty much impossible to get rich working for someone else. You've either got to win the lotto, or have your own business, and then sell the business for MILLIONS of dollars. The latter option seems a little more plausible to me, so I think that's the path I shall follow.

My plan follows the Underpants Gnome philosophy:

Phase 1:

Start first business - Kimlikespie Photography. http://kimlikespie.iinet.net.au/ (it doesn't exist yet).

Get ABN, design and make website. I'll start off just selling stock images or prints of my existing shots. Then when (if) I get enough money, buy a new lens and flash, then move on to, say, photos of cars for private advertisers to put on sites like carpoint.com.au and so on.

Phase2:

???

Phase3:

Profit! Either by selling the huge company I've created, or by keeping it and retiring to enjoy the money which keeps rolling in...

All I really want is to be able to sit at home all day and buy whatever I want whenever I want. I don't want to be famous. This plan seems like the best option, especially compared to my other efforts:

Rockstar! (I don't know how to play anything!)

Build a spaceship to fly to the moon! (how will that MAKE money?)

That idea I had about collabsable gates on trucks to save the drivers' backs (too fragile!)

And so on. The only problem with it is that, like the rockstar option, what is considered a "good" photo is totally subjective. One person might love it, another might not. Not like, say, the gates, which either work or not. If they work, people will buy them. My photos will work, but people might not like them. Also, while I have the tools to make the website, I don't really have any skills in website design... Although, my birthday invites look alright...

On a completely different topic, how fucking much do they want to play this fucking Sweet About Me song. WE KNOW THERE'S NOTHING SWEET ABOUT YOU! WE HEARD THE FIRST 300 TIMES! AND THAT WAS ONLY AFTER 1 PLAY!

The End.

Coming Soon: Return of the Blog

2008-04-22T10:01:00.002+08:00

Or

I still have a Blogger account?

Coming soon to a screen near you... probably the one in front of you.

I STILL LIVE!

2006-08-19T23:56:00.000+08:00

Goodness me, it has been a while. I have been rather busy of late. I have been at work 10-4 Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. When I'm not at work, I'm at Tafe. When I'm not at Tafe, I'm with Sian. And when I'm not with Sian, I study. Amd when I'm not doing any of those things, I am trying to sleep. So I don't really have much time for my tittilating texts anymore.

But, huzzah! I have made time (or, at least, I have made use of available time usually reserved for sleeping), as I don't really care if I'm late for work tomorrow! I don't know who I'm supposed to be in charge of, or how I'm going to get inside, because the boss's wife stole my keys! Oh, what a world!

I'm going to quit... but shhh! Nobody knows! Except for Sian... and Red, who I work with. Also Lisa, who I work with. Courtney (who I also work with) might know too. And my Uncle and Grandad. Possibly Mum. But my boss doesn't! Now then, the dilemma! Do I quit now, have maybe a week off before I start a new job (probably more than a week, going by past experiences...) to catch up on sleep, or do I wait till I have another job before I quit? I have applied for one already, and I've almost finished a letter which I'm going to send out to all the engineering firms I can find.

But seriously... today I screwed up because I didn't make Lisa work fast enough (because she's a slow little BITCH!), and I says to Cliff (the owner), I says, "You do know that this was all my fault, because I was in charge and I should've had better control of the situation" and Cliff says, "Yeah, I know, but now you know what its like to be a store manager [as opposed to me... I am a nothing]; if you screw up, you don't get in trouble. Talia [the store manager] does, for putting you in charge."

I mean... WTF, mate?

What kind of shit is that? It's fair enough for the kids that work there who are 13-15ish, but fuck man, I'm 19! I'm taking responsibility for my actions, being a good person and owning up to it all, even taking the flak for Lisa being a SLOW LITTLE BITCH! But no. It kind of goes with my theory: I'm nothing but cheap, non-complaining, hard working labor. I'm a robot! Robots can't be held responsible for their actions, they only do what they're programmed to do. Day in and day out, the same crap. The only difference is, they have to pay me for it (though not much more than a robot...).

Oh well, I just sent him an SMS... with ATTITUDE! Not much attitude, but attitude nonetheless. Just enough so he knows its there.

Anyhoo, enough ranting about work. For something I hate so much, it sure takes up a lot of my thinking capacity.

An update on TAFE:
I'm doing Diploma of Drafting (Civil/Structural Engineering) at Subiaco, part time of course. Units I'm taking this semester are:

Statics
Basics of CAD
Environmental Awareness
Concrete Technology

Sure, they look a little boring, but golly gosh, they're pretty dang interesting. Statics, well, its Physics, so of course its going to be interesting. And, I have discovered that there is a use for simulatneous equations in the real world (I think I would have discovered that in Year12 if I had paid attention). CAD is CAD, not so interesting, more a tool. So many standards and conventions to learn. Over complicated, requires a lot of practice (which, because of work, I don't have time for!). Environmental Awareness... this is really quite good. It's all about making us aware of the impact we, as future Engineers (woo!), will have on the planet, and the problems people have caused up till now. And Concrete Technology! This is the most boring looking, but the most interesting. So much goes into it! Well, not so many ingredients, only CaCO3, SiO2, a little Al2O3, Fe2O3, and (after a 90metre journey through a 1400° kiln) some CaSO4. Oh and water, coarse and fine aggregates, the odd admixture, and some pozzolans. And did you know that they have (amongst the 6 mainly used types) a Sulfate Resisting cement? Apparently, the sulfates in some soils attack the Aluminium component of the cement. Even though there is CaSO4 in it! Trippy... AND, that due to concrete being highly alkaline (ph12-13ish), it does some funkeh thing with the steel reinforcing, protecting it from corrosion? And that a 2kg bag of sugar tipped into a concrete truck can fuck up the batch to the point that it has to be ripped up and redone? Trippy, no? In fact, during testing to make sure mixing water is up to spec, one of the things they make sure of is that there is less than 0.1 grams of sugars per litre of water. Fuck me! Well, don't, but still!

Anyhoo, I could go on for hours about this stuff, its quite interesting. But, alas, I still should get up for work tomorrow. Even though Cliff hasn't messaged me back yet. More posts to come! Orgasms for all! (Heh, get it?)

TAFE

2006-06-20T14:13:00.000+08:00

Coming to you (semi) LIVE from Kim's house, the first of two episodes of the new mini series, Which modules will I do this Semester? And now, your host, Kim!

Thanks Kim, that's a great voice-over voice you have.

Why thank you!

No problem. Now then, getting straight into the action, I'm going to get the TAFE Supplement which was in Sunday's paper. I'm back! Now I'm looking up the course I'm doing: Cert III in Drafting (Civil/Structural Engineering). Oooooh, doesn't that sound impressive?

Not as impressive as Bachelor of Bio-medical Science, Kim

Yes, that's true, but it has got the word 'engineering' in it, and go fuck yourself! Now then, which ones are there to choose from?

Apply Basic Arithmatic and Algebra to Simple Engineering Problems
Apply Basic Geometry and Trigonometry to Simple Engineering Problems
Apply the Principals of Physics to Simple Engineering Problems
Apply the Principals of Mechanics to Simple Engineering Problems
Produce Simple Engineering Drawings
Apply Computer Technology to Engineering Drafting
Conduct Workplace Communication
Prepare to Study

"Starin' down the barrel of a .45, .45, something something blah blah, this is a cool song"

Huh?

What? It's a wicked song

Aaaanyway... Now, the Electives:

Produce Simple Engineering Scale Models
Use a PC for Standart Office and Engineering Practices
Prepare for Job Opportunities
Follow OH&S Policies and Procedures

Wow, the top one looks an awful lot like my Year 11 timetable. Which isn't a bad thing, I've wanted to re-do all that for a while.

And now for the choosing...

I choose Arithmatic and Algebra, Physics, Drawings, Study Prep, and for the electives, OH&S and the PC one.
Bah. I pushed some keys, like shift delete or something like that and it all dissapeared. BAH! Oh well.

Now then, the hours.

The core's add up to 160 (40 hours each), and the electives are 8 for Study Prep and 32 for OH&S. BUT!!! I've already done some of the OH&S units! Namely, Apply Basic First Aid (I have Senior First Aid) and Apply Basic Firefighting Techniques. I did them in my Security course. So thats a few hours off that. But I won't take any off for working out the cost, because I don't know for sure.

So, the cost is...

Yes, wait, I'm getting there.

Fine.

Umm... 160+32+8= 200 hours. Which is... 200x$1.36 per nominal hour... $272. Not as bad as I thought. But on top of that is the resource fee, which only covers stuff in class, textbooks are extra. Bah! Oh well. I'm still guessing $400+ bucks. Shmuh.

BEANS!

Oh. I just phoned up Tafe to see what the resource fee is, and the dude reckons its about 50 bucks each unit. Which pushes my fees up to $572, plus books. BAH, soot, and poo.

Lookie Lookie

2006-06-15T00:46:00.000+08:00

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8260059923762628848

Triiiippy.

It sort of reinforces the whole "I hate Bush" thing I have going on, don't you think? Fuck I hate him. More than anyone I've ever met. Not that I've met him, or ever want to. Although, if I did, I'd... well, I'd like to say that I'd shoot him, but apart from the unsavoury attention I'd get from the FBI, CIA, NSA, Secret Service, Omega Sector (they're who Arnie worked for in True Lies), and all sorts of others we don't know about, I just don't think I'd have the cahones to carry it out. I'll just leave it to someone else. Hell, maybe the FBI, CIA, NSA, Secret Service or Omega Sector will do it. They did it to JFK, why not Bush? That said, I think there are many more reasons to kill Bush than JFK, so if they were gonna do it, I think it would have happened by now.

I hope the yankee government reads this, and comes after me. Then I'll at least know that everything I believe in is true :) And then, I'll say to them, "I'm not a terrorist, I just hate you, your whole country, everything it stands for, and most definately, your 'Leader' (because we all know he's just the media scapegoat for the REAL people in charge: ...what? What are you staring at? Oh, I get it, you thought I knew who was in charge. Maybe something to do with the ':' I put there. Well I don't know. But they sure do. Or do they...). I'm not stupid enough to do anything myself, I'll just dance in the street when it happens :)"

And then they'll say, "Shutup", and put me in Guantanamo Bay because I said what I thought, which, contrary to what they purport themselves to believe in, is BAD.

Hey, I used the word 'purport' in a sentence! AND in the correct context! Because, otherwise people could just say "Hey, I'm going to use the word 'purport' in a sentence," and having done just that, can from then on say, "I used the word 'purport' in a sentence!" WELL HERE'S SOMETHING FOR YA, JACK! IT MEANS FUCK ALL IF YOU DON'T USE IT IN THE CORRECT CONTEXT!! BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T USE IT IN ITS CORRECT CONTEXT, YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT IT MEANS! AAAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAAAA

I really hope I used it in the correct context...

Speed Limits: Fast enough to kill...

2006-06-01T11:44:00.000+08:00

...but slow enough to give the illusion of safety.

The Government, for a few years now, has bombarded us with the bold statement that every 10kmh you speed, you double your braking distance. I find that hard to believe, so, with the help of Yr11 Physics (which I PASSED, thank you very much), I have decided to disprove (or prove) that statement. If you want to read it, go here and ye shall find...

Now for something completely different:

Black fingernails, red wine
I wanna make you, all mine
A lotta people, underground
You wanna get there, you have to go straight down

It's 12 o'clock and... to a duffel bag...(?)
I know you hate me but I'll ask anyway
Won't you come with me to a place in a little town
The only way to get there's to go straight down

Coincidence? I THINK NOT! I have a bold statement of my own to make! (How d'ya like them apples, government?) Actually, I think it's too bold. Wait, no, it must be said. No... YES!

ESKIMO JOE COPIED SILVERCHAIR!

They are nothing but big copy cats. Much like myself, when I decided to copy Daniel by creating a blog. And by including the 'Thursday Thirteen' in said blog (which will come later). Aquaman ("Quick, Maggie! Call Aquaman!") comes from... have a guess... THE SEA

Relax, Aquaman, their shennanigans shall not go unpunished. Eskimo Joe? A HEX ON THEE!

UPDATE: I have just checked the Thursday Thirteen link Daniel San gave, and have decided that, like much in life, it looks like too much work.

Anyway, time to go get ready for work. Stay tuned however, more conspiracies to come! Up next may well be something to do with my adventures during pizza delivery! Unless I change my mind, which is slightly likely!

Why I Can't Sleep

2006-05-29T09:44:00.000+08:00

or

The Paradox of Love: Why do you mock me so?

I've been having trouble sleeping recently. Until last night, I thought it was because of my new job (PIZZA BOY LIKE FRY!!); I stay up really late working, get home, spend some time on the computer, then end up going to bed around 3ish - with my mind so overtired that it keeps going a million miles an hour, and not letting me sleep. Which I now know is FALSE! False like and old man's teeth (and possibly his erection)!

I now know it's because I'm missing something when I sleep. Something nice and warm and soft, with all the right sights and sounds and smells and such. I'm just not comfortable without her, or warm, or calm... when I look at her there is this instant calm that comes over me. It's like my mind is in awe of the sight before me, wondering silently why she chose me, when she could have anyone (but so glad she did).

Therein lies the paradox! I miss her so much I can't sleep; when I finally do get to sleep, I stay asleep. I sleep through the morning. Hell, sometimes I sleep through the afternoon, and I wake at 4pm, approximately 7 hours after I was supposed to be at her house, and I instantly feel like shit. I imagine her waking early in anticipation, spending hours getting ready, and waiting. And waiting. And giving up. And feeling worthless and sad, taking off the makeup, the nice clothes she wore just for me, and phoning. The calls going unanswered (my phone is in the loungeroom), she retreats further into herself, feeling depressed and numb. How could I do this to her, the one person for whom I would give up the world?

How could I be so selfish? Why should I sleep when she isn't? Why should I be warm in my bed while she is awake in the cold morning, for me, still sick with the flu?

How could I hurt her so much?

And then I arrive. The calm comes over me. She is beautiful. She waited all day, still with all her makeup on, the nice clothes, the hours of work which isn't at all required but is done anyway. The calm is broken. Sorries gush from my mouth so profusely that they must lose all meaning to her. She acts like nothing has happened, such is her devotion, happy I made it at all. My constant apologies ruin what relaxed, normal atmosphere she is trying to create. I can tell she is upset, but she refuses to show it. Her strength is unyielding. Her composure absolute. But the pain is obvious.

As the night progresses, we relax back into our usual selves. Then the time comes for me to leave. We stay glued next to the car, neither of us wanting to leave, or the other to leave. But I have to go. As I open the door, she says it:

"By the way, you're forgiven,"

Words cannot describe the beauty of her soul.
The one I love, my reason for living. My everything.
I love you Sian :)

My Keys: a Chilling Tale of Dust and Debauchery

2006-05-16T15:50:00.000+08:00

or:

My Keys: the Whores of the Bolt-Shifting World.

I went to the kitchen.

"A tasty morsel might give me the energy I need to continue the search for my beloved keys," I thought to myself, eagerly eyeing a small but enticing snack.

And then it happened.

"Woe is me! I am nothing with out my keys. For it is they who give me access to the power of time travel! Without them, I am rendered useless, useless to the world that needs my assistance; Correcting the mistakes of the past is NOT a task befitting a mere cretin from across the road!" I thought, silently contemplating a deadly act of vengance... "What is one death, when it would save millions... possibly even... billions?"

As I passed the fridge, I eyed it suspiciously, in instinct the origins of which are still now, 3 hours later, unknown to me. It's expressionless face blankly returned the stare, its calm exterior betraying its cold, dead, machiavellian heart.

I returned its stare with equal quiesence.

As the mexican standoff of stares continued, the room grew silent, as if everything surrounding us retreated in anticipation. The air was electric; it was as if our minds were transcending our physical bodies, coming out of our heads and reaching into the space between us, circling like a pair of bloodthirsty wolves. Beads of condensation rolled down the fridge's smooth, metal skin. A droplet fell on the floor with a resounding "THWACK!"

I took the chance.

I dropped to the ground in a flash, the fridge blasting at me with its laser eyes, the intense beams scorching my shirt as I fell. As I lay on the floor in a daze, my eyes refocused on something glinting in the fading red glow coming from above. My keys! But there was something wrong! There were no restraints; no handcuffs, no ropes, no straps or bindings, nothing to hinder an escape at all...

...But I didn't care. I reached for the keys, shoving my fingers as far beneath the fridge as I could. With a tentative hold on a tag, I pulled for all I was worth, freeing my companions from their strange, perverse, consentual hell.

* * *

"Bad keys," I chided, as I attached the restraining keyring. "Why'd you do it?"

"I just wanted to feel something masculine on top of me for once," they responded in chorus.

Fuckers.

THE END

Does anyone know where my keys are?

2006-05-15T19:04:00.000+08:00

Seriously.

I put them on the bench, I swear, and now they're missing. I don't mean I swore after I put them there, I mean... well yeah. Now they're GONE!

Gone like a FOX!

So I'm trying to figure out where they are, or who might have STOLEN them.

My list of suspects who may have stolen them looks like this (so far):

The cretins across the road
Bush.
My brother...

I know, it's not a very big list, but hey, it's early days yet. Anyway, what else could've happened to them? I came in the door after driving to the shops. I'm pretty sure I had them at the door because I remember going to unlock it, but it was already unlocked. After that, I can't remember. But the next thing I did was put the bag of stuff on the bench, and I didn't go anywhere else until I was done cooking dinner.

So, during that time, what could have happened?

I dropped them outside after I tried to unlock the door
I put them on the bench, and they were put in the bin when mum was cleaning up
I put them in my room somewhere

I've looked in my room. Me and Sian turned that place upside down looking for them. But, I'll do it again, this time more throughly and systematically than before.

I've looked in the bin. My gosh, have I looked in the bin. Today I spread a sheet out on the ground and tipped it all out, and sifted through it with a rake. Nothing. I suffered that smell for nothing.

I've looked outside, near the door, under and around my car, in the backyard where we were sitting before I realised they were gone, but still, nothing. It is for this reason that I suspect the cretins across the road... they're always sitting on our lawn and playing all over the neighbourhood, yelling at each other with their... VOICES...

I've gone over all I can think of, left no stone unturned, and yet, they still elude me...